Health Monitor Aficionado Pillows

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

Full System Scan

Woman and scales.

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

'Is there something you're not telling me, Doctor?'

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

'I was going to buy a hot tub.'

"Well, my fitness band told my doctor how lazy I've been since my last visit. How do I turn on privacy on this thing?!!!"

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."

'I have yopur lab results. Some of your readings are too high and some are too low. No, they don't balance out.'

'It has my horoscope, heart rate and cholesterol level...but I'm sorry, I don't have the time.'

"To reinforce my diet, the mirror goes on the fridge."

"I knew the romance had left our relationship when he bought me a new sphygmomanometer for Valentine's Day!"

"I WAS feeling fine but then the health app on my watch said I might be DEAD."

"When I said I needed to look at your diet I meant a list!"

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be dead!"

'When I use my iPod, my implantable defibrillator kicks in.'

'The Electronic Health Records software works very well. I entered the patient's medications, vitals, and allergies. The software calculated the course of treatment, projected outcome, and anticipate insurance reimbursement.'

Man is dumber because of his smartwatch.

'I only sneezed because I have hay fever.'

"Don't worry, Mr. Jones. The fact that doctors still use pagers doesn't mean the hospital has outdated equipment!"

'This little gadget monitors my blood pressure, my pulse, and the performance of my very sleek designer running shoes.'

"Well, if you followed me on twitter, you'd already know your diagnosis."

"I used to monitor the watch. Now the watch monitors me."

'He can sit there and watch his heart rate monitor for hours.'

Crime Scene around Police Canteen

"Don't take time to smell the flowers anymore. The tests show you're allergic to them."

A patient's stocks graph matches that of his heart monitor.

Man waiting in line to self scan himself at a hospital.