Health Screening Pillows

PSA Banter.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

Full System Scan

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

Man checks the gears in his chest.

"Alright, Grandfather, let's check your ticker."

'Wake up, Mr. Granger, the doctor will see you about your insomnia now.'

"Smoke, drink and womanize as much as you like but don't forget to update your will..."