Health Screening Gifts

PSA Banter.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"The cape comes off too."

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

Full System Scan

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

'Wake up, Mr. Granger, the doctor will see you about your insomnia now.'

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."