Health Screening Reminder Gifts

"It's beautiful days like this that remind me how much I don't want to get a colonoscopy."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

PSA Banter.

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"The cape comes off too."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

"No, we haven't started yet. My hand was cold."

'Wake up, Mr. Granger, the doctor will see you about your insomnia now.'

"Alright, Grandfather, let's check your ticker."

Man checks the gears in his chest.

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

"Smoke, drink and womanize as much as you like but don't forget to update your will..."

"Interesting greeting ritual."

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."