Health Check Pillows

'Me? I thought I was paying you to watch my cholesterol!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

PSA Banter.

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

Full System Scan

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."