Health Check Enthusiast Pillows

'I was going to buy a hot tub.'

Full System Scan

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

Corona Funeral

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'