Health Ha Ha Club Gifts

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

Corona Funeral

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'I didn't come in to hear that I'm burning the candle at both ends. I came for more wax.'