Health Critique Fan Gifts

"We are not here to condemn deadly industrial cigarette ingredients! We just want to know - did you or did you not create the tobacco plant?"

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

Privatized Jails

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Take a pill so you won't be one.

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"Suppose we leave the salary unchanged but get smaller women."

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'We believe it was at THIS point that the species became extinct.'

Football fans in corona times

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

Tony Blair in the morning and George Bush in the afternoon. Lulu and Stan were having a good day.

Hipness Replacement Surgery.

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

Miss Twaddle, cancel all my appointments.

Health Foods

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

Obesity in America.

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

"If these don't make you feel better in a week you can come back here and kick my arse."

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

"The little thin girl inside you that wants to get out now weighs 200 pounds!"

"I picked this up from the humans. . . two metre gap. . . gives us a much wider spread."

'Now that's more like it.'

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

'Sorry, we don't treat stab wounds.'

'I had a stroke.'

'Pop, is that where they make all of those new medicines with the bad side effects?'