Health Critique Gifts

'Pop, is that where they make all of those new medicines with the bad side effects?'

"Our new health plan is really bad, so I'd stay away from the food trucks parked outside."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'Rising health costs are the biggest drain on the economy, so I'll be laying off some of my patients.'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

Republican Healthcare

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

'You're suffering from a lack of profit-making opportunities within the NHS.'

Have you drugged your child today?

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Take a pill so you won't be one.

Surgical Self-Service

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'Doctor, are you going to finance it or shall I just bill Medicare?'

'Hmmm ... no health insurance. Take him to the Intensive I Don't Care Unit.'

'The bad news is you have a disease that only a highly-paid specialist can pronounce.'

"But Doctor - will the government pay for Ferris Buelleritis?"

'Sales are up 12% since we moved Recovery over here to the hospital gift shop.'