Health-conscious Gourmet Gifts

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"Yes, fish is healthy, but not really when it's battered, deep-fried and serve with tartare sauce and chips!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

But is it organic?

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

Veggie Hall of Fame.

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Surgeon carving a chicken/turkey.

"All our donuts are hand fried in what will eventually become biofuel."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

'Diet considerations.'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Haute Chinese

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Join me for dinner?

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

Stuffing the turkey.

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

Cut out and keep your own Chef