Organic Gourmet Gifts

"Uh, yeah, that looks a little too organic."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

His Her Cakes

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

To do before Saturday...

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Holiday Supplies

Cheese

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

'Is this still America?'