Budget-conscious Gourmet Gifts

Which wine will go well with a limited expense account?

"Well if bread's free, and gravy's free, how about bread and gravy?"

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

'Would you care for a drink while your food is being defrosted?'

'Today the Yuan rose against the pork belly, the chicken beak, the eel, the wanton, and the egg noodle.'

"What wine goes well with £5.52p?"

Man eating his meal with his feet.

'Don't overdo the mustard, sir -- we're trying to control costs around here.'

"The portions here are so small, thank goodness there's a food bank around the corner."

'I'm impressed at your choice sir, you certainly know your budget wines.'

'We're having leftovers again. Don't worry, I shaved off all the fuzzy parts. I'm going to knit you a sweater.'

"Never mind the cost of living crisis, dear, you still need your 5-a-day."

"Tell your chef I'd like something for a refined and cultured palate. For under ten bucks."

Lunch Broker

"It's a new way to stretch leftovers. Saw it in Homeopathy Now."

Deep in the heart of the one-star restaurant district...'Guess what you're eating buffet!'

'I'm afraid we've reached the point where we have to cut out luxuries. How do you feel about food?'

Posh restaurant - 'We'll have the sandwiches.'

'The 89's are very forward with meat on the nose and a lingering marrow-bone finish.'

"I'm sorry, due to budget cuts we had to reduce kitchen staff."

'Sir, one waiter is enough to bring the meals, but it takes two to carry the bill.'

Camper special! PORK 'N' BEANS...50 gallons...only $49.99...Limit: 3 per customer.

'The lower-priced items contain genetically-modified foods not yet approved for human use.'

"It's exactly how Jamie Oliver would make it if he couldn't afford half the ingredients either!"

"It's become so expensive, that if I want sushi, I have to catch my own!"

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."

'What's affordable tonight?'

'Letting you pick up the check will help you stay on your diet.'