Health-conscious Coworker Gifts

'Now look what you've done!! You've aggravated my CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME!!'

'I warned you about eating at your desk. The Board of Health impounded your keyboard.'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

Office Ergonomics.

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

Flash Cuisine

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

Healthy and happy workers are productive workers!

"They got rid of 'work from home,' so I pushed for 'blanket forts from office.'"

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

"It's very important to wash your hooves!"

Middle Manager

'My prescription: digital textbooks.'

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

The smoking Gun

'All right, who's been sitting on the copier again?'

M.D. Robotics. Oil. Stop downloading so many cookies.

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

"You're not allowed to enter the city. Your exhaust emissions are much too high!"

Jack felt much better, now that he was working out.

How did I go from the 3 martini power lunch to the low-carb 3 grain power bar?

"Larry, can you take over the meeting for a minute? My doctor is insisting I take a few deep breaths."

Health and safety nightmare.

Your performance evaulations and sales figures are exceptional, but the company's a little bit concerned by your cholesterol numbers.

"They say every team has a member who is suffering from mental health issues. Not this team eh?!"

"We don't have a gym, Collins. The best I can do is let you do jumping jacks in the supply closet."

WARNING: Smoking turns you into a donkey.

"If you look after your body, it will last you a lifetime."