Health-conscious Professional Gifts

'I used to worry about becoming a big cheese in the company. Now that I'm a big cheese in the company, I worry about my cholesterol.'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Physician tending a mummy.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"You work too hard. You have stress balls!"

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

Next gen pregnancy tests.

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'