Health-conscious Friend Gifts

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

"He needs more exercise. I recommend a team sport like hockey. He'd make a good goalie."

The smoking Gun

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

"Regular or no-lead?"

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

I told you not to eat that Blowfish.

"If you look after your body, it will last you a lifetime."

"Brace yourself!"

Man stands on the bathroom scales and falls through the ceiling.

"You have hypertension and are overweight. Put a halt on salt and remember that daiquiris have calories."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'I think I'll take up bowling instead.'

Faster Food

"I did warn you about the heat in Greece, Mrs. Marsdon, a sunburnt tongue is no laughing matter."

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

'Lately I've had to choose between the Iced Caffe Mocha and medicine.'

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

But is it organic?

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'Diet considerations.'

Flash Cuisine

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

'Non-alcohol beer, unsalted potato chips and tofu hot dogs? Why did you accept a party invitation from a cardiologist?'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'Trade you lunches?'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

Dog Weightlifting

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'Is it organic?'