Health-focused Friends Gifts

'Hang on a minute, the small print says: 'Endorsed by the French Government'...'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

"I have to get down to 125 pounds before I go back to my real gym."

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

"Thanks to modern medicine, we now have drugs to make any season the season to be jolly."

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

'GM apples prevent Migraine'

"He looks so much like his dad."

Man with broken leg in cast.

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

'I've met you before...I'm not good with names, but I never forget a pace!'

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

'How could I have missed these? I took a multivitamin.'

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

Dog Weightlifting

"Things that make me feel better/Things I'm too tired to do......Things that make me feel worse/Things I do when I'm tired.

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'Like it? It's my digital vest, it calculates calories, portions and price per pound!'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"I guess exercise will make me feel more energetic, but I feel like I'm wasting all my energy exercising!"

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

'Wouldn't it be easier if we just got more heavier friends?'

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

Stay away from Pigs.

"GP or chemist? To be on the safe side let's go to A and E."