Haunted Mansion Visitor Gifts

"Designer sheets...They must be in the 1%."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

Out To Lurch

"Had more ghost-hunters 'round my place last night....scared the daylights outta me!"

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

Open House of Horrors

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

Welcome Ghost.

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

"At long last we've discovered evidence of a poultrygeist!"

'I really got to stop watching paranormal movies before bed!'

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

"Dad, it's gonna take more than that to scare me."

"Forget it, Lenny. He's on the 'Do-not-Haunt' list."

"You never know what will catch on!"

"Is there anybody there?"

Monster Realtor

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

'Repossessed? No, I said it was possessed.'

Orange House of Horrors

'The pink squirrel's okay, but you gotta try the fuzzy navel.'

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

Halloween in Bath

'Spend the night in that place? You guys have to be kidding!'

'...and you may notice a few of the previous owner's personal touches.'

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"