Haunted House Observer Gifts

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

Out To Lurch

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"Had more ghost-hunters 'round my place last night....scared the daylights outta me!"

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

Open House of Horrors

"Hey - Them too, huh?"

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

"At long last we've discovered evidence of a poultrygeist!"

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

'For Godsake,Archie! Will you just stop hovering!'

There are planets where lifeforms are almost human...

"Is there anybody there?"

Monster Realtor

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

"You never know what will catch on!"

"One of your delicious ducks got into my yard yesterday."

"Dad, it's gonna take more than that to scare me."

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

"The neighbors' place is a pig sty! Why can't we have something like that?"

'Repossessed? No, I said it was possessed.'

Abstraction and recognition

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

The Motherhood

'The pink squirrel's okay, but you gotta try the fuzzy navel.'

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

'The reason you can't move the little men around is because it's an ant farm.'