Haunted House Explorers Gifts

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

"As guides, you will escort kids this way, to the best part of our haunted house. The chamber of horrors!"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

'Mysteries' section of bookshop reveals secret door.

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

Out To Lurch

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

Open House of Horrors

'I don't know about the ecosystem, but the economy seems to be on the upswing.'

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

"At long last we've discovered evidence of a poultrygeist!"

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

Monster Realtor

Conspiracy Theory Books

"You never know what will catch on!"

Bob suddenly felt uncertain about the journey which lay ahead.

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

'Repossessed? No, I said it was possessed.'

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"

After years of pointless therapy, Morris took up speleology and finally found himself.

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

"Looks like the artist never quite finished this one."

"Is there anybody there..?" Knock once for 'yes' and twice for 'no'..."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

'The pink squirrel's okay, but you gotta try the fuzzy navel.'

Wine...Spirits...

'I don't quite know what it is... but there's something about this place gives me the creeps, Joe.'

"Ghosts? I haven't seen a ghost here for 3000 years!"

Happy Halloween.

'It's just Frank's ghost returning for a bottle of wine. It doesn't tend to keep well, where he ended up.'