Haunted House Explorers Pillows

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

"As guides, you will escort kids this way, to the best part of our haunted house. The chamber of horrors!"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

Out To Lurch

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'Mysteries' section of bookshop reveals secret door.

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

Open House of Horrors

'I don't know about the ecosystem, but the economy seems to be on the upswing.'

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

"At long last we've discovered evidence of a poultrygeist!"

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

Conspiracy Theory Books

Monster Realtor

"You never know what will catch on!"

Bob suddenly felt uncertain about the journey which lay ahead.

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

'Repossessed? No, I said it was possessed.'

"Looks like the artist never quite finished this one."

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

After years of pointless therapy, Morris took up speleology and finally found himself.

"Is there anybody there..?" Knock once for 'yes' and twice for 'no'..."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"

Wine...Spirits...

'I don't quite know what it is... but there's something about this place gives me the creeps, Joe.'

"Ghosts? I haven't seen a ghost here for 3000 years!"

"You know Gladys, you seem to be getting younger by the minute. What's your secret?" "I finally decided to get a few injections of bootox. It works wonders!"

Happy Halloween.

'It's just Frank's ghost returning for a bottle of wine. It doesn't tend to keep well, where he ended up.'