Habitual Observer Gifts

The point in every relationship, when annoying habits become intolerable...

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

"Welcome aboard. We will endeavor to treat you with dignity and respect. Now get you and your stupid face out of my office."

'Anorak anoraks'.

"It's a sequel to 'The Thinker'. It's 'The Blamer.'"

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

Chess on TV

There are planets where lifeforms are almost human...

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"You will not gain any sympathy from this court by offering to give one-tenth of your haul to the Church."

"I just realized that unless I'm riding for some cause, I must look like an idiot."

"It's thrilling to watch them come out in the morning, ready for the kill!"

'I thought about leaving once, but I couldn't quit the habit.'

"I'm concerned... She didn't do her usual stretch-bark-rub-her-face-across-the-carpet thing after kibble."

"Freud said love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness, but human mess is equally true."

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

'I simply don't know what I'd do with mother, if it wasn't for the squatters!'

Where the Wild things Aren't.

This week we've explored what might happen if there were a military draft. Hear what I say: How many soldiers died today? Now back to our regular programming. My iPad's shiny. My oil stocks are soaring.

"Let me through, I'm a busybody."

You're right. It's not fear I smell but angst with a hint of regret.

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Hello- I'm a Wreck.

'Watching the football.'

"A movie? I would rather watch this!"

Feel Good About Yourself - Give Me Money!

'There, but for liposuction, go I.'

"You have an anti-addiction...everyone just hates you!"

Welcome to Europe

"Looking at all the stars in the sky makes me feel cosmically mindful—all my earthly concerns meaningless in the breadth of what I now witness. I’d have a better view if the Lewises would cut down those useless pine trees... Curious if those damn things are on my property. I’ll call the town surveyor in the morning and see if I can get those stupid trees removed. I hate having neighbors..."

"You wouldn't understand, Muriel. It's a drunk thing."

Elevator buttons: Up/Down/Don't Care.

Fat kids in football T-shirts, Rooney and Ronaldo. Man says: 'It's good for kids to have sport role models.'

". . . and then I says to the guy, 'how 'bout I pop you in the nose?' and then he goes. . ."