Habitual Observer Pillows

The point in every relationship, when annoying habits become intolerable...

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

'Anorak anoraks'.

"It's a sequel to 'The Thinker'. It's 'The Blamer.'"

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

Chess on TV

There are planets where lifeforms are almost human...

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"You will not gain any sympathy from this court by offering to give one-tenth of your haul to the Church."

"I just realized that unless I'm riding for some cause, I must look like an idiot."

"It's thrilling to watch them come out in the morning, ready for the kill!"

"I'm concerned... She didn't do her usual stretch-bark-rub-her-face-across-the-carpet thing after kibble."

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

'I simply don't know what I'd do with mother, if it wasn't for the squatters!'

"Let me through, I'm a busybody."

"Freud said love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness, but human mess is equally true."

'I thought about leaving once, but I couldn't quit the habit.'

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

"A movie? I would rather watch this!"

'Watching the football.'

Feel Good About Yourself - Give Me Money!

Hello- I'm a Wreck.

'There, but for liposuction, go I.'

"You have an anti-addiction...everyone just hates you!"

"Looking at all the stars in the sky makes me feel cosmically mindful—all my earthly concerns meaningless in the breadth of what I now witness. I’d have a better view if the Lewises would cut down those useless pine trees... Curious if those damn things are on my property. I’ll call the town surveyor in the morning and see if I can get those stupid trees removed. I hate having neighbors..."

Welcome to Europe

"You wouldn't understand, Muriel. It's a drunk thing."

Elevator buttons: Up/Down/Don't Care.

Displaying Christian symbol deemed offensive.

". . . and then I says to the guy, 'how 'bout I pop you in the nose?' and then he goes. . ."

Fat kids in football T-shirts, Rooney and Ronaldo. Man says: 'It's good for kids to have sport role models.'