Faithful Observer Gifts

"You will not gain any sympathy from this court by offering to give one-tenth of your haul to the Church."

Displaying Christian symbol deemed offensive.

Jesus is tempted in the desert.

'Your baptism will bring you closer to God!'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

Monk Prompt

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

Monk and Bible and Devil Page Marker

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

Spiritual Lives Matter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'Pop-up Bible.'

The point in every relationship, when annoying habits become intolerable...

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

"The buck really stops with him."

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

Chess on TV

'You cant do anything these days without someone suspecting your motives. . . there is only one way out. . . inaction.'

Men's Prayer Group.

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

'My husband does everything religiously except going to church.'

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."