Casual Observer Gifts

Elevator buttons: Up/Down/Don't Care.

'I'm still undecided about the election. I think I'll take a walk around the neighborhood and read the lawn signs again.'

'Anorak anoraks'.

"I just realized that unless I'm riding for some cause, I must look like an idiot."

"You wouldn't understand, Muriel. It's a drunk thing."

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

"A movie? I would rather watch this!"

This week we've explored what might happen if there were a military draft. Hear what I say: How many soldiers died today? Now back to our regular programming. My iPad's shiny. My oil stocks are soaring.

Al, do you ever feel like the rest of the world is passing you by? Yes, but I tell myself it's only pigeons and squirrels. That's why I like sitting in the park.

'Oxford won the Boat Race? Who came second?'

'Watching the football.'

'I simply don't know what I'd do with mother, if it wasn't for the squatters!'

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

'Thank goodness for clumsy children: A spilt ice-cream!'

'...Sometimes the sheer monotony of it all just gets me down.'

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

The point in every relationship, when annoying habits become intolerable...

'Let there be cool.'

'Maybe we could hold the wedding on 'Casual Friday'.'

Chess on TV

'It's true that I never fulfilled my early promise of greatness, but I DID manage to catch a lot of really outstanding TV!'

"I've tried Buddhism, Taoism, Transendental meditation, Confucionism, Theolog, Scientgology....but I've found a good hand rolled joint of homegrown works best!"

"After the truffle season peaks, we like to kick back and do a little clamming."

"Don't look now, but in 3 seconds I want you to very nonchalantly look at my tail and tell me if it's wagging."

Fini. That show was schmaltzy, way too sentimental. I'll never criticize anything that can be described as "cheesy"!

"Well, I finally found God. ... God is really good at Trivial Pursuit."

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."