Casual Watching Gifts

Private thoughts of a television. I'd love the chance to ad lib just once!

Speed Dating for Turtles

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

'Anorak anoraks'.

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

'Maybe we could hold the wedding on 'Casual Friday'.'

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

"If at first you don't succeed, buy me another drink."

"Sorry, boss, I do care if I ever get back — that was just the peanuts and Cracker Jack talking."

"I just realized that unless I'm riding for some cause, I must look like an idiot."

Fini. That show was schmaltzy, way too sentimental. I'll never criticize anything that can be described as "cheesy"!

'World Cup? Nobody told me there was a football match on!'

Valentine man in underpants.

'I couldn't figure out how to get rid of those stupid subtitles, so I slapped some duct tape over them.'

'There's nothing worth watching on TV, but he's not going to let a little thing like that stop him.'

World Cup breakfast.

"Honey, while you're out, could you pick up some bric-a-brac?"

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

This week we've explored what might happen if there were a military draft. Hear what I say: How many soldiers died today? Now back to our regular programming. My iPad's shiny. My oil stocks are soaring.

'I simply don't know what I'd do with mother, if it wasn't for the squatters!'

Who's playing - 'I'm not sure.' - 'What's the score?' - 'I don't know.' - 'What the...?' - 'Yeah, baby... slow motion replay' -

"A movie? I would rather watch this!"

I think the couch potatoes are going to make you their poster boy. Only if they send a photographer over --- I'm not moving.

'I'm making pot pie.'

"It's a bit overrated really isn't it?"

The post-game meal

'Watching the football.'

"Haven't you guys ever heard of 'casual Fridays'?"

"I have half an hour if you want someone to get sucked into your drama."

"A look at the papers soon, but first the news where you are..."

"You wouldn't understand, Muriel. It's a drunk thing."

'I've never read any classics, although I have caught snippets of Masterpiece Theater while channel surfing.'

I think the best part was when we decided not to record it.