Modern Habits Observers Gifts

"Last Vape?"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Selfie Stick

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

You won't believe what happens in circle 6!! Dante's Inferno updated.

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"He was much more effective in the field."

The point in every relationship, when annoying habits become intolerable...

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Mice 25¢

Maternity Hospital

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"If you want to know why I fired you, you can subscribe to my blog."

"Your sister got another promotion."

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

Old Yarns

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

"Daddy says God created Eve out of Adam´s spare credit card!"

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

"Better safe than sorry, son."

"Auto reply: I am dead and will have limited access to e-mail."

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