Habit Hoarder Gifts

"Collects his paper every morning - regular as clockwork!"

'That's our mission statement.'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"She just loves them - she's a total girl horse."

Festive squad

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

'Looks like they decided not to g south this winter.'

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

'Pay bills, stick to a budget, plan ahead.'

'This isn't my closet - this is my room.'

'I'm worried. I gave up smoking without any trouble.'

"I bet you couldn't eat three."

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

"He's so bossy I call him Big Brother!"

'Diet patch, stop-smoking patch, birth control patch...'

"I'm giving up giving up!"

This isn't the magic top hat, either – I told you we were lost.

'Are you eligible to join 'Miser' the high accrue society?'

"So there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can think of giving up the New Year apart from your peanut collection?"

'Book of Virtues'...'Book of Vices'

'He's so proud of his art collection.'

'Yes Ma'am, I do pick up unwanted hives.'

"You know what I want for our twentieth anniversary? A Dumpster."

"I will not buy a fridge magnet. . ."

"There were only two things about Bryan that I simply could not stand - his breathing and is chewing."

"Aren't you supposed to get rid of the old mobile, when you buy a new one."

Man with meat getting chased by dogs

'Ron's managed to stop smoking but he's put on an awful lot of weight.'

'Did you know that your lips move when you text?'

Toilet Paper Inheritance

Discovering who steals all the pens in the office.

'It's true that the order has relaxed the dress code somewhat, Sister Catherine, but spandex is still a no-no.'

"Going out for a smoke... you?"