Gynecologist Gifts

Maternity Doors

Try to stay off your feet until after the baby's born.

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

"So you're having trouble conceiving. Have you tried sex?"

'Obstetrics and gynaecology' arrow 'Down there'

'Life was moving along at a nice, steady pace, then I hit middle age and my life hot-flashed before my eyes!'

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'Doctor Smith - At your cervix.'

'Doctor, how long will it be before the stork arrives?'

"And if you'll just bare with me Mrs Jackson, I'll write you out a prescription for your PMT"

'May I ask you a personal question?'

"It's not often you see a sign that is both instructional and inspirational."

Gynecology pigeon hole

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Pandora's Gynecologist.

'Actually, I got into gynecology because it's a great way to meet girls!'

'I encourage natural childbirth - gently coaxing the baby into the world. If that fails, I go with brute force and intimidation.'

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

Premature birth warning

"We want you to induce labor!"

"Just for variety, Doc, next time let's insert the embryos doggy style."

How to know when your gynecologist is watching too much baseball.

Flo's kids had a harder time adjusting to their mother's hot flashes than she did.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

'Madam, this is not pornography. It is a textbook on obsterics and gynecology...'

'Do you deliver?'

"Move the sign!"

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'Normally I'd be strongly opposed to a womanh your age electing a permanent birth control option...but in your case-'

'Come into the examination room. I want to practice.'

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

'Well, Mrs.Gurkemiller...Either your female cycle has turned to European summer time, or you're pregnant.'

'He called the game obstetrical roulette. It's played with five birth control pills and an aspirin.'

'I'm sorry to hear about your women troubles, but I'm a gynecologist. I only help women with women's troubles.'