Gym Giggler Gifts

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

Tred carefully mill.

"Let's try a slower speed."

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

Not you. Your hair.

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

William, have I ever told you you're the wings beneath my wind?

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

"Next time your virtual fish dies, please don't try flushing your computer down the toilet."

Pest control, with death.

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

'Dicing with Death'

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

'Say, how can I convert this FAT file into a nice and small JPG?'

The Big A** Theory

'Finally some good news about out new vitamin pill!'

Dead & Breakfast.

"Captain...I'm detecting Hemorrhoids off our starboard bow."

"This is an octagon after cutbacks."

"This gown just ain't big enough for the both of us."

Smite Golfer or Cow?

'Nobody likes a show-off, bub!'

'I'm going to take a shower - No peeking, now.'

"Whew, that was rank. I didn't want that baby trapped in this suit. I might have died!"

'He's definitely not a top flite.'

'... blast off!... Uh-oh. Houston, we have a problem.'

"You do realize that this entire side of the galaxy is laughing at you and your NASCAR fixation don't you?"

"Fancy biting your gold medal just because a photographer told you to."

'Our company drone found you on the golf course yesterday after you called in sick.'

Superdome: Now Playing Har Bowl.

"Not It!"

'When you said Bob acts like a little baby when he loses a hand, you weren't kidding.'

"He's so cute! What kind of dog is that?"