Gym Avoider Gifts

'Your back went out because your front went out.'

Climbing up stacked boxes marked this way up

"Well, I wouldn't go as far as to say your body is a temple, more of an amusement arcade."

"20% of medical opinion may change every five years...but it won't be the 20% that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you!"

Man struggles to open the door to a health club.

"You could try watching your diet or getting more exercise – but you'll just be delaying the inevitable."

"I don't think it matters is you choose metric or imperial."

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."

"I bought these revolutionary new weight-loss pills...you take one a day - to the gym!"

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

"...and some things the body decides for you."

"I don't think using a nail to stop the scale's indicator from moving is a good way to manage your weight."

"I'm working on becoming less efficient so as to use more energy and avoid gym fees."

'You carry on to those machines. I'll stay here with this one.'

'Try increasing your level of activity. That normally will reduce the amount of moss growing on your north side.'

'Wow Dad! You're still growing!'

'The only time I ever worked up a sweat in there was just then, when I tried to cancel my membership!'

'Have you met my husband, and his personal fitness trainer?'

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

'You need to go on a diet. Your spare tyres are getting spare tyres!'

'You get the diet book which you won't read, the exercise bar you won't use and the workout CD which you won't watch, for only $29.99.'

The Candy Shop. Anytime I eat candy it immediately goes to my mid-section. No time to waist!

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

Congressional Gym. I never need to go in there. I get plenty of exercise kicking the can down the road.

"How I dread it when somebody mentions fitness to Ernie."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

Bench Press Accident

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

Where Skim Milk comes from.

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'