Gym Avoiders Gifts

New Years Resolution.

'Inside of me is a skinny person urging me to join a gym. That's when I sedate her with a slice of chocolate pie.'

Gym. Closed. It's weird. I could never motivate myself to come here, and now that I'm locked out, I'm itching for one of their workouts.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

Powerful Love.

Bench Press Accident

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

"Wait! Don't start the chase now: I need to stretch first!:

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

Where Skim Milk comes from.

"It's true: no more burpees."

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

Woman walks her dog on a running machine.

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Exercise now!

Keep Fit.

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

"Can I still do my pilates?"

No caption. (A mother runs on a treadmill with a baby carriage on the treadmill next to her).

"Well, that will never be a yoga pose."

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"I have to get down to 125 pounds before I go back to my real gym."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

How to go form fit to fat...

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.