Exercise Avoider Gifts

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"Be honest- how much are you exercising?"

"I enjoy the convenience of online shopping, but miss the execise we got trying to find our car in the mall parking lot."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"Okay, we've put on our exercise clothes. Now what?"

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

'If he wasn't in a 12-step program he wouldn't get any exercise at all.'

'His electric toothbrush has gone wrong - mind you, he could use the extra exercise.'

'Marge! Do I have a will?'

'Boy, I feel sorry for those poor chumps who have to run to catch the train every day!'

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

"Will I be able to carry on not doing any exercise?"

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

Walkies.

"Four out of five doctors recommend that you get up and get some exercise."

"My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's a an ad about junk food."

The Sedentary Dead.

"As always. . . make sure to warm up . . . to avoid injury. . ."

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

"I'm going back to shopping at the mall. Trying to find the car in the parking lot was the only exercise I got."

"A parent's note excusing you from gym is sufficient, Billy...you didn't need legal representation!"

"I've just spent half an hour on an exercise bike."

"Honey, which one is the fresh air and exercise channel?"

Stationary Bike Results

"Overreacting is the only exercise that I get!"

"Let me call you from a different machine."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My husband hates to exercise since it makes him sweat. How do I tell him to shape up? Thanks, SV. *Actual reader question. Haven't you read the scientific research, lady? Exercise is one of the worst things you can do for you body. It leads to pain, sweating, muscle ache, weight loss. On the other hand, research also shows the great health value of yelling at your husband and telling him he's a lazy wretch! The science is divided on the question. One of the great joys of b

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

"Sure doc, I can eat healthy tasteless food and exercise until my lungs implode. Or, you can just inject some drain cleaner into my eyeball and save us both a lot of time and trouble."

'I'll pass on the gym membership, I already get an hour of exercise each day!'

'You're home early. I thought you were going to the gym.' 'I did. And then I saw a big sweaty butt print on the stationary bike seat, and well, here I am.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'1999: Instant communication with a global network of billions of people...But still no contact with my feet.'

"No, Fred didn't run a TV marathon - He watched a marathon on TV."