Fitness Avoider Gifts

"Running a red light doesn't count. You still need to get more exercise."

New years resolutions

"We all have to make austerity cuts right now, so I've given up gym fees."

"We need to walk."

"Once. How many times did you go before your gym membership expired?"

At last, an excuse not to exercise!

'But, dear, I am walking the dog.'

'Touch my toes? -- I have servants for that sort of thing!'

"Chase him? That sounds dangerously close to exercise."

"Sometimes I think that your pedometer app would give better results if you strapped the phone to your arm."

'I tried jogging once, but it frothed up my beer.'

Walking the dog.

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight...'

'A stampede? With running? Us? Forget it!'

'Gardening keeps my Dave fit...when I mention it he runs a mile.'

'Touch my toes? -- I have servants for that sort of thing!'

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

'Why don't you take up a sport,son-like long distance running-away from home?'

'Me too. I've lost 25 pounds. Sadly not in weight, just in wasted, unused membership fee!'

Fitness. No, thanks

Do you ever go running in the park? Only when I'm being chased. Menu.

"I'm not sure what that feels like."

"You know, anyone who wishes he had a remote control for his exercise equipment is missing the idea of exercise equipment."

"It seemed like miles to me!"

"It's true: no more burpees."

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."