Gym Avoidance Club Gifts

'I don't date men with nice bodies. It usually means they've spent a lot of time in prisons.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

"It's true: no more burpees."

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

Where Skim Milk comes from.

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

Bench Press Accident

"We're exclusively delts."

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

Woman walks her dog on a running machine.

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

Keep Fit.

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

"Well, that will never be a yoga pose."

Exercise Bars

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Yoga for beginners,

'What, you afraid of a little exercise?'

'Checkmate!'