Gym Avoidance Club Gifts

'I don't date men with nice bodies. It usually means they've spent a lot of time in prisons.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

"We're exclusively delts."

Bench Press Accident

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

Where Skim Milk comes from.

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'

"It's true: no more burpees."

Woman walks her dog on a running machine.

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

Exercise Bars

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

"Well, that will never be a yoga pose."

Keep Fit.

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

How to go form fit to fat...

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

Gym. It doesn't help when you call the ab workout a "journey to the center of the girth."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.

Gym. You lost a pound this week? It's only because I always leave here too tired to go looking for it!

Yoga for beginners,

'What, you afraid of a little exercise?'