Guys' Night Gifts

'Damn it, I will have another, because I'm worth it.'

"Mind if I have the guys over to watch some poker?"

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

"The drinks are on the house, lads"

'Hey guys, can we not smoke cigars tonight? My wife will smell it on me and know I lied about going to a business conference.'

'Dude! It's guys' night out. You really need to lose the leash.'

"Combining our favorite pastimes of drinking, fishing and hot tubbing makes me realize... we should stop drinking."

I could have danced all night!

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Karataoke

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

Superheroes Having a Drink

Bingo night.

'You deserve some unabashed fun once in a while.'

"If you don't stop saying 'This whole game is a charade!' we're going home."

"Well, guys... I guess we'll just have to ask Siri where we are." "No! Don't do that!" "Yeah! We know exactly what we're doing!" "Dude! Have you forgotten our credo?" "Society for the refusal to ask for directions."

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

Playing cards.

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Botox."

'I'm looking for male bonding, but I'm a little rusty.'

"I'm floating in pure vodka; feel free to dip your glass in if you'd like."

"Your shout!"

"I don't mind you spending the weekend at the lake with the boys, but don't push your luck by bringing home fish."

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

Down on Bourbon Street...

You have had enough

'Botox...'

"Let's see now - have we got everything?"

The Stages of Wine

'Honestly Gwen, do you really think that guys are going to notice your heels tonight?'

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."