Guys' Night Gifts

'Damn it, I will have another, because I'm worth it.'

"Mind if I have the guys over to watch some poker?"

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

"The drinks are on the house, lads"

'Hey guys, can we not smoke cigars tonight? My wife will smell it on me and know I lied about going to a business conference.'

'Dude! It's guys' night out. You really need to lose the leash.'

"Combining our favorite pastimes of drinking, fishing and hot tubbing makes me realize... we should stop drinking."

I could have danced all night!

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

Bingo night.

"If you don't stop saying 'This whole game is a charade!' we're going home."

'You deserve some unabashed fun once in a while.'

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

Playing cards.

"Botox."

'I'm looking for male bonding, but I'm a little rusty.'

'Botox...'

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

You have had enough

Down on Bourbon Street...

"I don't mind you spending the weekend at the lake with the boys, but don't push your luck by bringing home fish."

"I'm floating in pure vodka; feel free to dip your glass in if you'd like."

"Your shout!"

"Let's see now - have we got everything?"

The Stages of Wine

'Honestly Gwen, do you really think that guys are going to notice your heels tonight?'

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

Gorgeous Groovers.

"Do you know what girls want?"