Boy's Night Gifts

"Let's see now - have we got everything?"

Playing cards.

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

Karataoke

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

"Well, guys... I guess we'll just have to ask Siri where we are." "No! Don't do that!" "Yeah! We know exactly what we're doing!" "Dude! Have you forgotten our credo?" "Society for the refusal to ask for directions."

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

'You deserve some unabashed fun once in a while.'

Infinity Tavern

"Pavlov's dog: Friday night"

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"Botox."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

'I'm looking for male bonding, but I'm a little rusty.'

"Your shout!"

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

"Another double martini, please. My sense of balance and proportion couldn't make it tonight so I'm drinking for two."

You have had enough

"And what's the story behind the story?"

"Oh yes, I'm still on the juice diet...this one just happens to be fermented."

Do-it-yourself. Do-it-yourself-with-good-friends-and-pizza-and-a-few-beers.

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

Happy Hour 5-6. Your "Happy Hour" stinks� And, it's too short!

'It was a lot more congenial when we had happy hour.'

"Templeton, its Friday, so be so good as to inform her ladyship that it's sex after bridge this evening"

Wide screen TV