Guys' Night Out Gifts

"Hey! He must be watering down the beer.This is our fifth pint and we're still not talking rubbish."

'I'm looking for male bonding, but I'm a little rusty.'

"I don't get out much—I'm usually locked in a cellar."

"Hey, you wanna go to a strip club tonight?" "Are you kidding? I've got a girlfriend. I don't have money for that kind of thing."

Men meeting on the roof for a crafty drink, away from the women

Nerds night out: 'Dibs on Designated Driver.'

You have had enough

Next Round indicator

"Your shout!"

Beers

"Tell me again why guys don't sit next to each other in movies?"

I could have danced all night!

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Superheroes Having a Drink

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

Bingo night.

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"Well, guys... I guess we'll just have to ask Siri where we are." "No! Don't do that!" "Yeah! We know exactly what we're doing!" "Dude! Have you forgotten our credo?" "Society for the refusal to ask for directions."

"If you don't stop saying 'This whole game is a charade!' we're going home."

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

Playing cards.

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"Botox."

'Botox...'

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

"I don't mind you spending the weekend at the lake with the boys, but don't push your luck by bringing home fish."

Down on Bourbon Street...

"Let's see now - have we got everything?"

The Stages of Wine

"I'm floating in pure vodka; feel free to dip your glass in if you'd like."