Lads Night Out Gifts

''Fancy a quick pint?'

I could have danced all night!

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

Bingo night.

"Well, guys... I guess we'll just have to ask Siri where we are." "No! Don't do that!" "Yeah! We know exactly what we're doing!" "Dude! Have you forgotten our credo?" "Society for the refusal to ask for directions."

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

Playing cards.

"Botox."

'I'm looking for male bonding, but I'm a little rusty.'

"Your shout!"

'Botox...'

"I don't mind you spending the weekend at the lake with the boys, but don't push your luck by bringing home fish."

"Let's see now - have we got everything?"

You have had enough

Down on Bourbon Street...

"I'm floating in pure vodka; feel free to dip your glass in if you'd like."

The Stages of Wine

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

'Honestly Gwen, do you really think that guys are going to notice your heels tonight?'

"Oh yes, I'm still on the juice diet...this one just happens to be fermented."

Gorgeous Groovers.

'The wife loves to go dancing Saturday nights.'

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

Absinthe Fairy.

For every dog who gets the window seat, there's Steve, the designated driver.

'He hasn't taken his eyes off us all evening-he's watching us like a Mo-hawk!'