Boys' Night Gifts

"Gotta go, guys. I've had about all the male bonding I can take for today."

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

"This is the night Marvin gets together with his online poker gang."

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Karataoke

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

"Well, guys... I guess we'll just have to ask Siri where we are." "No! Don't do that!" "Yeah! We know exactly what we're doing!" "Dude! Have you forgotten our credo?" "Society for the refusal to ask for directions."

'You deserve some unabashed fun once in a while.'

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

Playing cards.

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

'I'm looking for male bonding, but I'm a little rusty.'

"Your shout!"

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

You have had enough

"Let's see now - have we got everything?"

"And what's the story behind the story?"

"Oh yes, I'm still on the juice diet...this one just happens to be fermented."

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

Happy hour.

''Fancy a quick pint?'

Wide screen TV

'I was talking to that George Clooney yesterday. He is SUCH a name-dropper.'

"Hey! He must be watering down the beer.This is our fifth pint and we're still not talking rubbish."

"Let's have refreshments on parents' night. These people need nourishment."

"Don't worry. These rosés are still fresh."

"Can't you just look at the pictures,daddy? Some of us have to get up for school in the morning!"

"We're not too concerned about him not graduating. We've only made it to tenth grade so we're already proud."

"Am I sexy yet?"