Guilt Detective Gifts

"You broke the window, huh?"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

A Young Boy Talking To An Old Gentleman.

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"Do you swear you haven't embroidered the truth in your testimony today?"

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help the Google?"

Mom's Diner: I do and do and do for you and what thanks do I get? How about your business? Is that too much to ask?

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

"Before I give you my resume, I'd like to know how thorough you fact check."

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"Play the last presidential debate....hold on....first take our all the lies and stuff..."

"You arrive early, You work hard, You stay focused. What's your game?"

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

La Tour 2007.

What a nation looks like with a free press and access to information / What a nation looks like with no free press and no access to correct information.

'Just stop listening to Public Broadcasting, and your guilt complex should clear right up!'

'Men are from one branch of Starbucks, women from another.'

Theories Of Everything: 'Everything would be perfect if I had a dirt bike.'

'Would you like my professional advice, or my honest opinion?.'

Rashomon of West 84th Street

Introducing...Superegoman!

Gene doping in sport.

X-Raying Christmas Presents

'Tell me why I should excuse you from serving on jury duty. Be careful what you say. I have been trained to read between the lies.'

"I'll have an extra large conspiracy burger with anti-semitism, plenty of racism, stupidity and a load of crap."

"Perhaps He Was Too Close To The Situation, But Aesop Failed To See Any Goddamned Moral To The Story Of The Goddamned Birds Eating His Goddamned Tomatoes Again . . ."

"Relax, Ms. Jones. I'm just X-raying this gift from my brother-in-law to see if I should re-gift it."

'I'm just sorting through the latest job applications now.'

"When I think about my mom, it hurts here."

Shrink to criminal - 'At what age did you lose your innocence?'

I'm home, son! Did you bring me anything, dad? A new bike! Is it a Schwinn? If "Schwinn" is German for "Hallucination," yes!

'Danae says her room is now a think tank for B.O.S.S. . . .a lobby bent on ridding the world of boys.'