Guidance Counselor Gifts

'Of course creative writing is important. You want to write home for money when you go away to college,don't you?'

'I'm looking for a career in something that will make me first in line for a government bailout if I mess up.'

"It's a great school, but it wasn't my first choice."

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

Guidance Counsellor: 'Today I was visited by nine students and two teachers.'

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

'...do I want to risk putting up with someone like me?'

'Any backup plan in case your dream of becoming a YouTube sensation doesn't pan out?'

Guidance Counselor - Hunting/Gathering.

'My S.A.T. scores were too low? That's it?'

'I imagine you're interested in one of the more highly visible occupations?'

'In general, do the right thing.'

School Signs of the Times.

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'No, an aptitude test is not a test on your cell phone apps knowledge.'

"Use your head, follow your heart and go with your gut."

"I feel like a hypocrite writing a report on the Green Revolution. My trust fund portfolio has oil, mining, and tobacco stocks."

'I thought I'd put in the details later.'

Yes, I agree that man is a master of his own destiny but sometimes it helps if you pass algebra.

Relationship problems.

We realise you do better on your I.Q. tests than you do in anything else, but you just cannot major in I.Q.

'Like I said kid, Berserker, Swordsman or Oarsman. We don't have any classes for florists.'

'The future is yours, Eddie, which judging from this history grade, is more than I can say for the past.'

Guidance Counselor's boxes, 'push'--'shove'.

"I'll be honest with you, this isn't going to be easy"

'...and to prepare you for life after graduation, 'Walking Without A Backpack 101'.'

'Your anatomy teacher says you're a pain in the gluteus.'

'Granted, it's not a traditional sport, but I was hoping a party school might offer athletic scholarships for beer pong.'

"My main goal in life is taking laziness to an insane new height."

'I want to train to be the Grim Reaper.'

I think you're capable of doing better work, too!

'Unfortunately, my conclusion is that your incompatibility is due to your being incompatible.'

'Be innovative and prepared. Have clearly defined educational objectives for each lesson. Write legibly on the board. Be firm and fair. Now go. You have a class to teach.'

'I plan to major in political science with a minor in strange bedfellows,'

"Next week si my parent & teacher, principal, guidance counselor, crossing guard, bus driver and lunch lady conference. Is that bad?"