Guidance Counseling Gifts

"I want to be a Jockey."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

Licensed Therapist

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

Try Mediation

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'Great Therapy!'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I scream! You scream! I can't stop the screaming!"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'