Grumpy Old Man Appreciation Society Gifts

Perfect sincerity; or, tinkings aloud No. I - Bachelor who dislikes children tells a mother that he will not leave her son anything just because he is named after him

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

The Final Selfie

Visiting 'friends'.

Grumpy Old Men

'Kids get right up my nose!'

'Quick! ontact my doctor!'

'I occasionally go out for a walk, and I buy groceries every two weeks or so. I wonder if I qualify as a recluse.'

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"We managed to resuscitate him, but he's still very critical."

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

'Be advised, Monday through Thursday I don't do 'perky'.'

"It's armageddon week on TV. The death of hope always lightens his mood."

Bakery Window: Cross Buns and Cross Gingerbread Men!

'I've had it with your bright, sunny, upbeat...'

"I'm sixty-six – I don't want to see puppets in anything."

'Mrs Gridlington doesn't like being referred to as 'duck' or 'dearie'...so I just call her 'the old trout'!'

"He's angry about getting old."

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

Never Satisfied.

"OK. You're the Ghost of Christmas Present. Quite amusing. Now go away!"

"Stick-in-the-mud Cruise"

"I'd tell you all about the upcoming election, but I don't want to depress you."

'Did somebody order a Grumpy Meal?'

"Another p**s and vinegar?"

'Underneath that crusty exterior is a lovely pie filling.'

"I'll have a nice day when I get damn good and ready."

'I can't eat because I'm on a diet, I can't drink because of my ulcer and I can't be merry because I'm a grouch.'

Bert escalates his war on inanity: Warning! Actually saying LOL will be hazardous to your health.

"Do we really want to spend our golden years judging people who buy the fancy-pants coffee drinks?"

'Cheer up,only ten minutes to go and you can get miserable again.'

Children throwing snowballs at an elderly gentleman