Grumpy Friend Appreciator Gifts

'I've had it with your bright, sunny, upbeat...'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"I hate it..."

"Oh my God with the singing!"

'You only love me because you haven't got a boyfriend!'

Grumpy Old Men

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

'Kids get right up my nose!'

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

'I occasionally go out for a walk, and I buy groceries every two weeks or so. I wonder if I qualify as a recluse.'

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

'I'll sit on your lap when I decide, okay?'

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

'I warn you, I'm armed and dangerous!'

Bakery Window: Cross Buns and Cross Gingerbread Men!

"It's armageddon week on TV. The death of hope always lightens his mood."

'Be advised, Monday through Thursday I don't do 'perky'.'

'Did he just flip me the feeding fish?'

Crappy Diem

'What are you annoyed about now?'

"He's a curmudgeon now, but he used to be just a mean old bastard."

"Mr. Stephenson is the subject of a widely anticipated obituary."

Old woman staring at pregnant woman's bump.

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

'Don't give me a seat next to any pesky kids!'

I don't know what my beef is today...

"You say every Winter is your 'Winter of discontent'."

"Stick-in-the-mud Cruise"