Grumpy Old Man Enthusiast Gifts

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I hate it..."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Grumpy old merry men.

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

"You have a certain kind of charm, haven't you, Mr. Beadle? Well, that's all right. I'm not totally opposed to charm."

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

Grumpy Old Men

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

'Kids get right up my nose!'

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

'Self-help books for cynics'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

'I occasionally go out for a walk, and I buy groceries every two weeks or so. I wonder if I qualify as a recluse.'

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

"We managed to resuscitate him, but he's still very critical."

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

Wife about mad man leaving church: 'You'll have to excuse my husband. He always wakes up grumpy.'

"I'm sixty-six – I don't want to see puppets in anything."

"Everything okay, Wilson?"

"He's a curmudgeon now, but he used to be just a mean old bastard."

"He's angry about getting old."

'I know a trap when I see one.'

'When did I become so old and morose?' 'I know. It seems only yesterday you were young and morose.'

Old woman staring at pregnant woman's bump.

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

Mr. Cranky Pants Plants A Garden Part 5

"You hearing aid you miserable, mean, catankerous old git."

'Your dad can't go on there-the miserable git hasn't got any friends to phone!'