Grudge Calculator Gifts

"I use my mind to constantly calculate and recalculate the number of grudges I'm holding with the hope that this will help ward off Alzheimer's."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"Nice try, but I'm still angry."

'Life's too short to hold grudges.' 'No it's not! You just need to organize your time better.'

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

"Oh, not much. Just sitting here sifting through an old scrapbook of past injustices and imagined slights."

"I know I should Fuggedaboutit but I can't."

'Regrets? Not many, except for this list of individuals that I had the misfortune of hiring...'

'Bond yields rise, bond prices drop...stock prices rise, gold prices drop..it's all part of the great cycle of greed.'

Asteroid Trajectory Assessment.

"My salary is struggling to keep pace with the empty bottomless pit of my greed."

'Quick, the coffee!'

"My family likes to set up our grudges at Thanksgiving, stew over them through December, then take our revenge at Christmas."

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

Shrink to criminal - 'At what age did you lose your innocence?'

'I never hold a grudge...after I get even!'

"I had his name spelled wrong on purpose. It will drive him mad ...forever!"

"Oh no, the dead mouse on the threshold is not an offering! It's retaliation for my dinner being served late the night before..."

Know when to let it go.

"I'm going to put a fir branch on my husband's grave. He always hated fir branches."

'I'm sorry, Catherine, but my feelings for you have changed since you reported me for stealing cable.'

'It was March, 1842. I said, ‘Walter, you can't stay mad FOREVER!''

"And now, dear, I’m going to hum annoyingly and see how you like it."

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

'I don't hold grudges... that's why I have lawyers.'

"Today's test question: If Joe Jones accumulates $16,000 student loan debt in college, then gets a job earning $30,000 a ywar, in how many years would he pay off his loan debt?"

'Not only can you pick out your own lobster, they also let you name it after either your boss or ex-spouse.'

"I told you coming to your ex-wife's wedding was a mistake."

'Dave, you've been angry at me for twenty years. Can we talk?'

"Don't get smart with me!"

Fussbudget 1989

"Yeah, we know you've got the ball. We just don't like this guy."

"How long are you going to do this?"