Groomsman Gifts

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Stag Beetles.

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

'Can you fix a flat ...I'm getting married at three.:

"Ok boys, I want a clean fight and may the best man win."

"You don't have to say anything but anything you do say will be taken down and maybe..."

"Let's make it a few minutes longer and add more inside jokes."

Speech

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"You may now kiss the bride..."

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'He does.'

A very young man being hired as a groom.

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

"Nobody told me it was a dress down wedding day!"

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

'Actually, most brides would find being stranded on a deserted beach very romantic...'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

"Do you, Halfomild Tellycelebrtipewhoo-hoo, promise to brush up on matters such as the Hadron Collider?"