Groom-to-be Gifts

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

'Jim called to say he apologizes to you and the 300 guests, but he'll have to marry you next week instead. He totally forgot he made plans to go to a boat show this weekend.'

Wedding Fayre

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

The Aisle

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

'He does.'

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

"Do you, Halfomild Tellycelebrtipewhoo-hoo, promise to brush up on matters such as the Hadron Collider?"

'Actually, most brides would find being stranded on a deserted beach very romantic...'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

Wedding bouquet spring loaded shoes.

"Nobody told me it was a dress down wedding day!"

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"