Bride-to-be Gifts

Last night of freedom.

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

'Do you cater weddings?' Why the groom is never put in charge of anything.

'Jim called to say he apologizes to you and the 300 guests, but he'll have to marry you next week instead. He totally forgot he made plans to go to a boat show this weekend.'

"Do you have an intensive course? I'm getting married in a week!"

"I do, and so does he."

"She's registered at Salomon Smith Barney."

Wedding Fayre

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

'Even I thought this one would show up. Wasn't it a condition of his bail?'

"Ahhh... and this must be the beautiful bride tubby...Errr I mean to be."

'-and then after your fifth we let you keep it!'

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

"Dad decided to pay for the wedding after all. Here's 2 tickets to Reno."

The Happiest Hen.

Bridal bootcamp

The Aisle

Bride getting ready for her wedding.

Man engaged to be married has ring through his nose.

'Last seen running away from St. Paul's Church...'

'I'm practicing carrying you over the threshold for our honeymoon night.'

"My ex was very faithful....he waited until after the reception to cheat on me!"

'My pre-nuptial agreement reads, she's too good for me, but will marry me anyway!'

So you want a single going and a double coming back.

'This gown was designed to be worn more than once...it converts to a maternity outfit.'

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

"So what if he's not the man of your dreams. The 'Times' is going to be there."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"You may now kiss the bride..."

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.