Future Bride Gifts

'It's not an engagement ring . . . it's also a cell phone, a camera, a Kindle, a pepper spray, and a dog whistle.'

"How much does it cost to get married? I don't know, I haven't finished paying yet!"

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

The Complete Book of Baby Names. Oooh, what do you think of 110101110110? Isn't that cute?

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

Wedding bouquet spring loaded shoes.

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Wedding Fayre

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

Baby, baby maker

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Baby's First Words... Hi Guys!

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

In the club.

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

The Aisle

Biological Alarm Clock.

Last night of freedom.

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

"It's perfect for starting a family."

"She's registered at Salomon Smith Barney."

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

Bridal bootcamp

'I'm on the way!'

'We need to discuss your ultrasound.'